dariaphoebe (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dariaphoebe) wrote2014-09-29 01:44 pm
dariaphoebe) wrote2014-09-29 01:44 pm
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I biked home after dinner with a friend, quietly. Not silently. There were three lanes of traffic beside me, and three more above me. An overhead sign informed traffic that the tunnel was four minutes away. I laughed. Not for me, I thought, as I watched the bike go by over my head on the sidewalk of the bridge. On the way to dinner, I crossed that bridge, as I had when meeting her and another friend for a bike ride a few nights earlier.
That night, the other friend and I boarded the trolley to head south out of town. She had her bicycle with her. I'd locked mine up, expecting a crowded trolley. I was not disappointed. The seats were mostly full, and though a younger man offered me his seat, I decided to stand beside my friend, heels and all.
After the long steady climb through the tunnel out of the city, we made our first stop. A man who was disembarking took the opportunity to comment on my outfit, and really, me. After he left, my friend expressed her incredulity. Social commentary, I explained. Not the first, and it won't be the last. Another lady standing next to us shared her disapproval what had happened. It hadn't fazed me. To an observer, I might come across as a strong person. And in that moment, it came naturally to me. But with the memories of therapy days before in my head, where I shared the unmet need for other forms of external validation, I knew it wasn't that simple. Still, despite recognizing the problem before, I was finally taking a hard look at the problem and trying to figure out what dealing required.
Step 74: sometimes the most incisive actions aren't the ones causing the deepest problems. The only way you can get out from under the problems is to face them.
That night, the other friend and I boarded the trolley to head south out of town. She had her bicycle with her. I'd locked mine up, expecting a crowded trolley. I was not disappointed. The seats were mostly full, and though a younger man offered me his seat, I decided to stand beside my friend, heels and all.
After the long steady climb through the tunnel out of the city, we made our first stop. A man who was disembarking took the opportunity to comment on my outfit, and really, me. After he left, my friend expressed her incredulity. Social commentary, I explained. Not the first, and it won't be the last. Another lady standing next to us shared her disapproval what had happened. It hadn't fazed me. To an observer, I might come across as a strong person. And in that moment, it came naturally to me. But with the memories of therapy days before in my head, where I shared the unmet need for other forms of external validation, I knew it wasn't that simple. Still, despite recognizing the problem before, I was finally taking a hard look at the problem and trying to figure out what dealing required.
Step 74: sometimes the most incisive actions aren't the ones causing the deepest problems. The only way you can get out from under the problems is to face them.